Fox News To Broadcast Cartoons On Weekends

WHAT???

Running a 24-hour news network is a tough business, a lesson new parent company Disney is learning about its latest acquisition, Fox Corp.

In an effort to satisfy shaky stockholders and increase flagging ratings of the venerable and troubled station, is scheduling Fox’s sizeable portfolio of cartoon programs for broadcast on Saturdays and Sundays for the eight a.m. to noon programming slot.

“Cartoons are relatively cheap to make and are quicker to turn a profit,” explained Disney/Fox Interaction Officer Joe Barron.  “After several lawsuits, the network is already officially classified as ‘entertainment’ anyway.

And our less-intelligent and elderly core audience usually sleep in or go to church on the weekends.  So, we’re appealing to kids and people who’d rather have simple morning relaxation, without the usual nonsense talking points and scare tactics.

Racists will manage to hold it in for four hours twice a week, I’m sure.”

“Apache Chief tired of stereotypical portrayal! Me be in trailer drunk on firewater.”

Ratings and advertising revenue on Fox have been declining as of late thanks to legitimate news networks finally choosing not to blindly investigate their phony “stories” invented by a mentally ill President, as well as the rise of even stupider channels designed for idiots like OAN and “The Blaze”.

Fox has also had difficulties holding on to more popular hosts due to their violent sexual proclivities and an atmosphere of toxic Naziism.

The change also allows Fox the opportunity to gain a different audience that may be more likely to have disposable income and eliminate the need for janky rip-off-like advertisements for multiple mortgages, “energy” pills made from sugar and plaster chips, and miracle cures for conditions that do not, and never have, existed.

“Grampa! GRAMPA! Colloidal silver will NOT stop Ball-exploding Syndrome!”

“We know older folk don’t like change or ‘new things’,” Barron concluded, adding: “But this is a business.  And we need to run it a lot better than if it were a business run by a bankrupting morbidly obese chumppumpkin, for example.”

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