Whoopi Suspended From The View For 2 Weeks for Refusing to Apologize

The View has suspended Whoopi Goldberg for 2 weeks, or 10 episodes, for refusing to apologize to Kyle Rittenhouse for calling him a “cowardly little Nazi.” The decision came down from the Executive Producer and Goldberg was immediately notified.

According to our sources, Whoopi is laughing the whole thing off on the outside, since the money she’ll lose doesn’t really matter, but on the inside she’s struggling to understand how a “cold-blooded killer” like Rittenhouse gets to walk free.

She said she had issues with a kid his age making poor decisions while carrying a deadly weapon, regardless of if he was found not guilty. She said it might make other kids with “pew pew ammosexual desires” think what he did was okay, when clearly it was not.

According to her spokesperson, Sandy Batt, Whoopi won’t ever apologize:

“God himself could come down from the heavens and Whoopi would still not feel inclined to apologize to the little murderer. He has no regard for human life. He went there with a gun and inserted himself into an explosive situation. The jury sucked. He should have done some time so other kids don’t go thinking his idiocy was alright.

“But…this is America. He’ll be a hero to imbeciles and sell shitty paintings like George Zimmerman. Whatever.”

Kind of a cynical way to look at a true American hero, but to each their own. I hope I didn’t get the pronoun wrong. Anyway, patriots. Whoopi will sit for a spell and Kyle will still be Kyle. On to the next story. About him.

God bless America.

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 408 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.