In these days of Black Lives Matter and other easily-offended groups protesting about brutality and “white privilege”, it can be difficult for a classic Fortune 500 company to evolve it’s business model. That, according to experts, is what Crayola is now doing with the recent announcement that they will be renaming the “white” crayon in their children’s coloring boxes with a less : “incendiary and offensive” name – “Plain.”
From now on, whenever little Billy America needs to draw a snowfall on a piece of colored construction paper, his canola oil plumped fingers will be holding a crayon that, when he reads the side, will convince him that he is not exceptional – only “plain”. Assuming Billy is, of course, White.
Yes, citizens, it’s come to this. “White” is now a bad word in an America where Nancy Pelosi can eat expensive ice cream and dance on the Congressional lawn with a coven of witches. Where police officers are shunned simply for taking a human life when they get scared of a thug with a nice juicy bullet-free back. Where youth can get away with toppling statues because their hookah bars are closed. This is Joeseph Stalin’s dream come true.
Futurist Sandy Batt, who predicted the rise of Zune told a reporter with an old-timey microphone with a “transmit” button on It, that this political correctness of crayons has only just begun, and will lead to the certain destruction of the human race. Soon, we’ll be crawling across a ruined landscape of America, with shuttered “Plain Castle” restaurants, yearning for the days of a J.C. Penny’s “Plain Sale”, and singing the “Plainy-Tonk Blues.” Maybe Crayola can just name the crayon next to that one : “Just Plain Armageddon.”