Two Prominent Democrats Announce They’re Switching Parties

The Democrats are falling apart. Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer have lost complete control of their flock of sheep.

According to our sources inside the Democrat Party, two prominent Democrats are switching their party affiliation and will run as Republicans in their next elections.

First is Senator Joe Manchin of West Virginia. Manchin, well known to his party as a traitor who will vote with the GOP whenever possible, says he’s tired of being called names and being spit at by Senate aides just because he sides with Trump and Mitch McConnell and only runs as a Democrat for the blue-collar vote in his state:

“I won’t be pressured into voting for their socialism anymore. Trump is our President and it doesn’t matter how many crimes he commits or how many times he lies. It’s our duty as patriotic Americans to support him no matter what.”

Manchin is being joined by Senator Filipe Bartholomeu of New Mexico, an immigrant who believes that all life is sacred:

“I may not be a real person, but I love my cuntry. Anything I can do to better the America I live in is what I’m going to do.”

Republican strategists say that Manchin’s departure from the Democrats was bound to happen, and while Filipe may not actually exist, the news of him switching parties will energize the base:

“Filipe will be a great addition to the GOP. We’re currently printing tens of thousands of ‘Latinos for trump’ signs for lawns across the south, so white people can show their support for fictitious minorities who share their desire to live in a socialism-free America.”

Congressman Joe Barron, speaking on behalf of the Democrats, said they really couldn’t care less what Manchin does:

“Joe Manchin? He’s a douchebag. We’ve known for years he’s nothing but a closet Republican. he can piss off.”

As for Filipe, nobody on the left would give a statement, but Nancy Pelosi snickered in a drunken stupor when she heard the news:

“Snoyingthier mashukid hahahaha. Filip. A. Hahahahaha.”

Nobody has any idea what that means, but what else is new?

The Democrats will now have to win one more seat to take over the Senate, which won’t be easy now that Susan Collins has accused her opponent of supporting a man accused of sexual assault. Brett Kavanaugh agrees.

We’ll keep you updated on this developing story.

 

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 36 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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