Jeff Bezos — the richest man in the entire world as well as an avowed Deep State socialist — has suffered the wrath of Trump. He has been ousted as the CEO of Amazon.com and he’s also been forced to sell his liberal mouthpiece, the Washington Post.
How, you may be asking, did twice-impeached, one-term former president Donald Jacknut Trump manage to force the wealthiest man on the face of planet Earth out of the CEO’s chair at Amazon?
Easy. He placed a call to his well-trained ball gargler, Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina, and told him that Bezos had hurt his precious fee-fees so he needed to be fired.
That led Miss Lindsey to enlist the help of Mitch McTurtle McConnell, the most craven, power-hungry Senator in the whole chamber. McConnell — who is not happy at all about losing his powerful status as Senate Majority Leader — called a guy named Nacho who lives under a bridge in Seattle near Amazon headquarters.
Nacho’s assignment, which was ironically received on an Obamaphone: get close to Bezos, tell him Trump wants him out and that he may be rich but only Trump has the power of 74 million mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging, Trump-flag-waving teeny-peened rubes behind him.
Nacho did as instructed and sidled up to Bezos at the Piggly Wiggly where Bezos goes for human interaction — the only thing he doesn’t sell on Amazon. “Hey, Mr. Bezos. Trump doesn’t like you and he wants you to quit,” Nacho whispered to the richest man in the universe as he stood in the checkout line.
Bezos turned to Nacho, laughing his ass off, and said, “Can you please tell that bloated fatass loser that I don’t take orders from soon-to-be-indicted has-been reality show TV hosts? Here’s $100,000 for your trouble. Have a nice day.”
Nacho has reportedly left the underpass and is using his entire $100,000 windfall for a six-month lease on a one-bedroom apartment in downtown Seattle.