Trump Investment Group to Buy Philadelphia Eagles


An investment group led by President Donald Trump has officially put in an offer to buy the fledgling Philadelphia Eagles franchise. In a statement to reporters, Trump said, “The football team that bears the name of our national animal should not go 0-2. The symbol of our freedom deserves better.”

After a disappointing week two 37-19 loss to the Los Angeles Rams, the President was quick to act. Minutes after the final whistle blew, the Trump investment team made their intentions public. Taking into consideration the struggles the NFL is currently facing with their catering to false liberal narratives, Trumps decision to purchase the Philadelphia franchise is nothing short of presidential.

Several Eagles players were asked about the future of the franchise after the game. While most had a very bleak outlook, once they were made aware of Trumps intentions, they quickly changed face. Quarterback Carson Wentz told reporters, “Trump is exactly what we need to change the culture of this franchise. We are currently losers. Trump doesn’t even know how to lose. That attitude is what we need in our locker room.”

Players were not the only people excited about the announcement. Longtime fan Joseph LaForm told a local Philadelphia news station, “Aside from one fluke season a few years ago, we Philadelphians know what it means to lose. Trump has never lost. I look forward to not only once again calling him my president, but the owner of my NFL franchise.”

To the ire of NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, reaction from other owners was unanimously positive. Goodell has succeeded in not only alienating fans, but sponsors as well with his recent decisions. Trump’s decision to enter the fold of the NFL is viewed as a move to save the severely damaged league as a whole. No single team is greater than the league, and Goodell’s decision to pander to the left has left many owners dumbfounded. Cowboys owner Jerry Jones spoke to reporters after their comeback win on Sunday regarding Trump’s decision saying, “No amount of left-leaning money from Nike is worth the integrity of the league. I’m glad I will now have a strong partner in fighting the injustice done to myself and all the other owners in our plight against the commissioner.”

While it is yet to be determined whether or not the current Eagles ownership will accept the offer from Trump’s investment group, it would clearly be foolish of them not to.


About Benjamin Thompson 105 Articles
Recruited to ALLOD as a POE before I even knew what a POE was. Right handed, avid golfer and cook. I play 5 musical instruments proficiently and work often as an audio engineer in both recording studios and live music venues throughout the SF Bay Area. I do some of my best work when I'm slightly drunk. Never smoked a cigarette in my life. Cheers!!

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