Trump Headlining HUGE Event on National Mall August 13

His return to DC will be historic!

Mark your calendars, patriots, and make your plans to be in Washington, DC, on August 13! Our intrepid reporters have gotten an exclusive tip: the one and only REAL president, Donald J. Trump, has gotten a permit for a HUGE event on the National Mall on August 13! A huge event on this day can mean only one thing. Trump is returning to his rightful place in our nation’s capital.

Exactly eight months and one week after a respectful group of patriotic Americans took a peaceful, quiet tour through the Capitol Building and definitely didn’t do anything violent or treasonous, President Trump is ready to marinate in the idolatry of his brainwashed supporters yet again.

He normally doesn’t bother with little things like “permits” and “rules,” which are just for stupid Democrats who follow the rules and respect the law.

But in this case, our sources tell us that he’s gotten a permit for no more than eleventy billion patriots to descend on our capital city for a day of good ol’ American pastimes: bitching about liberals, remembering the halcyon days when non-alabaster people knew their place, and complaining about non-existent voter fraud.

And the super-secret headline event? Mike Lindell, the MyPillow Guy, will join Sydney Powell, Lin Wood, and Jon Voight onstage to light the Constitution on fire, declare themselves independent from the tyranny of the United States, and invite the 300 or 400 cult members in attendance to mark Trump’s name on their fat asses. To speed the process, they’ve ordered three dozen cattle brands and a couple of blowtorches to heat them up quick-like.

Joe Barron, a DC resident and longtime opponent of the president, said:

“Are these idiots REALLY going to brand Trump’s name on their butts? They’ve always acted like sheep and now they’ll be branded like cattle. I love it!”

Tickets to the event are $1,000 each, payable to the Trump Legal Defense Team. True patriots would pay 100 times that to see history in the making.