Trump Files Articles of Impeachment Against Pelosi: ‘She’s Got to Go’

Trump says "her time is up"

In an election-year surprise that will certainly upend the November results, our dear leader President Donald J. Trump has filed articles of impeachment against Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.

“It’s time for her to go, and her constituents keep reelecting her. So I’m taking matters into my own teeny tiny hands and getting rid of her, like the good wannabe dictator that I am,” Trump said in a town hall last night.

His audience of brainwashed, unmasked rubes roared their approval in response to his promise to overturn legitimate election results and take a giant dump on the Constitution. Art Tubolls, Republican of Dummfuque, Iowa, clapped his meaty hands and rolled his rascal scooter over to a reporter to comment on the president’s speech:

“He’s the most manly and strongest president we’ve ever had. I just love him.”

Trump is relying on Article 17, Section 22 of the Constitution, which may or may not allow for the impeachment of any public servant whom the president doesn’t like. Attorney General William Barr verified that his orange lord and savior can do whatever he wants to, really, and that the Constitution doesn’t even contain an Article 17, Section 22. But that doesn’t matter to Trump.

Trump continued stoking the hatred of Pelosi among his red-meat-devouring base: “She’s a communist, a socialist, a Marxist, and a big meany. I’m tired of her bothering me, so I’m gonna get rid of her.”

We contacted Nancy Pelosi’s office for comment after Trump’s announcement of her impending impeachment.

“Oh, isn’t that cute. That big fat dummy thinks he can make sh*t up and do whatever he wants. The sad thing is, his ignorant voters believe whatever he says.”

In response, Pelosi vowed to increase federal funding for education, to try to keep Americans from ending up stupid enough to vote for Trump. Let’s see how that works.

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