Trump Celebrity Golf Tournament Raises Millions for His New ‘Patriot Party’

The truth is right in front of you

Donald Trump is not the kind of guy to let losing an election keep him down. He’s never been a quitter, especially when it comes to what he loves the most, the legal American people.

In keeping his promise to continue fighting for us, he has overseen the creation of America’s newest and most prolific political party. The Patriot Party. And this party recently received a huge boon from a celebrity golf tournament hosted by the former president.

President Trump’s Patriot Party Pro-Am took place over the weekend in Dubai, and generated an estimated $60 million for the new party, $10 donated by the host nation, the United Arab Emirates. UAE president  Khalifa bin Zayed Al Nahyan tells us, “$10 million U.S. is nothing to me. It’s the equivalent of not leaving a tip at مطعم ابن عم.  Hahaha!”  

Tiger Woods headlined the professional card along with legendary golfers Fuzzy Zoeller and the late Payne Stewart. The animated of the trio hosted a fried chicken dinner benefit the night before the tournament. At $250,000 a plate, they raised an additional $6 million for the Patriot Party. Tiger’s appearance fee is said to guarantee him a seat on the OPEC council as well as a 3/4 harem of “Dubai’s Finest.”

The celebrity ticket was topped by Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un of North Korea. He, along with Trump carded an astonishing 32 under par for the tournament, despite neither making the cut for the second round.

It is an achievement unmatched in the history of the game, and a testament to the fortitude of the two leaders that they were both able to accomplish it in the same tournament.

Other names of note included James Woods (+57), Jon Voight (+61), Curt Schilling (+82), Lil Wayne (DNF), Scott Baio (DNF), Joe Barron, and elusive Ugandan warlord Joseph Kony (DNF).

Overall, a good time was had by all in the desert for a great cause. It seems like Trump 2024 is off to a solid start.

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 408 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.