Trump Campaign Forces Debate Commission to Change Topics

The new topics will showcase Trump's unique qualities as president.

President Donald Trump’s reelection campaign has been persecuted, abused, and disrespected more than any campaign in the history of the United States of America.

The media, all those coastal elite soyboys, and now the Commission on Presidential Debates have all been horrible to the campaign. Horrible, absolutely horrible.

So when the Commission released the topics for the third presidential debate (well, for what SHOULD have been the third presidential debate, if the butthurt whiny orange sh*tbag hadn’t backed out), it was clear that the topics serve no purpose except to make impeached president Donald Trump look bad.

The original topics: “Fighting COVID-19,” “American Families,” “Race in America,” “Climate Change,” “National Security” and “Leadership.” I mean, come ON.

How much more blatantly anti-Trump can they get?

Taking these in order, everyone knows that he has no plan to fight covid-19, families are disposable and trophy wives rule, white people are the bomb, climate change is a hoax, all we need for national security is a wall on the southern border, and TRUMP IS THE BEST LEADER EVER DUH.

But impeached president Trump has forced the Commission to change the topics. He’s so strong and masculine, that he just looked in the general direction of the Commission members and they wilted under his steely, manly gaze. And of course, they changed the topics.

In no particular order, the new subjects are:

  1. Nepotism: how to put your grifter kids in White House positions for which they have no qualifications.
  2. Corruption: It’s not corrupt if you don’t get caught or the Senate is populated by spineless Republicans who value power more than their oaths of office.
  3. But her emails: Let’s talk about Hillary because it makes us all tingly in our 2016 nostalgia parts.
  4. Hair and makeup tips from an old, orange man: he spends $70,000 a year on stylists and he looks like THAT?
  5. Why Trump is treated so horribly by everyone. Everyone, except Hannity.
  6. How unfair it is that the candidates’ microphones will be muted during the first two minutes of each section. How is Trump supposed to prove that Biden is senile if he can’t interrupt him constantly? So unfair!

And there you have it. New topics, tailor-made for Trump.

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