Tom Brady Retiring Early Because Backup QB Keeps Kneeling

end of an era

Tampa Bay’s longtime backup quarterback has decided to make new Buccaneer Tom Brady put up or shut up. In a bold move to try to win the starting job by default, Rhett Butler has pledged to kneel before every game during the National Anthem.

The National Football League has caved in and allowed anyone who wants to kneel to do so. Butler, who can barely throw the ball 20 yards in Bruce Arians’ no risk it, no biscuit offense, is all that the salary cap-strapped team has on the roster after Brady. Unfortunately for the Bucs’ faithful, all he cares about is his own playing time and one last shot at glory. They’ll be lucky to win a single game this season.

Art Tubolls caught up to this treasonous and selfish kneeling jerk.

“Hey man, I got 5 kids to feed.  My contract is full of all kinds of incentives that they thought I’d never be able to reach. I get a bonus for each game I start. A bonus for each pass I attempt. A bonus for every 20 plays in the season.

Until Brady came out and said that he’d retire if any of his teammates kneel, I figured it would be another year of holding the clipboard and collecting the league minimum. But he showed me what I needed to do to hit those incentives and by golly, I’d be a fool to not do it.

The team can’t afford to cut me so I’m just gonna keep on kneeling to make sure Brady never comes back!”

Las Vegas oddsmakers immediately dropped the over/under on their win total from 9.5 to 0.5. This means that if Tampa Bay can win a single game this year, the over will pay. Sucks for those who already took the over prior to this stunning announcement, but that’s why they call it gambling.

Brady will leave a legacy of winning six Super Bowls and several NFL records on his way to being a sure-fire first-ballot Hall of Famer. He’s also an outstanding patriot who won’t put up with anyone on his team kneeling ever, which also makes him a true American Hall of Famer.

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply