Pelosi Sends Card, Flowers to Trump Family


Politics often seems like a world of dog-eat-dog insult and nastiness, especially in the modern era of Donald Trump and his outspoken views.  Sometimes it’s nice to see a compassionate gesture, no matter how small, break the ice of simple human empathy.


Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi made just such a gesture, sending President Trump and the first family a thoughtful card and bouquet of flowers after being apprised of the news that Donald and Mrs. Trump had tested positive for the Coronavirus that many believe he himself is responsible for allowing to get completely out of control.  The Speaker’s care package arrived this morning shortly after ten.

Delivered through local florist Sandy Batt, and purchased via Pelosi’s FTD internet membership using the coupon code “WEARAMASKSTUPID” to receive a discounted price of only $19.95, the gift was inspected promptly by secret service agents.  The President is sent all manner of gifts on a daily basis, and many are often boxes filied with dildos or inflatable erotic dolls fashioned to resemble the overweight wife of a male admirer from Alabama.

Once the flowers made it to the oval office, President Trump seemed upbeat, and immediately plucked several of the freshest and brightest blooms to rub onto his crotch, a habit he’s known to have regarding any object that is placed within five feet of him.  Such dalliances have been known to often cause distress to the Vice President during private meetings.

“I make a special pillow just for that. It’s shaped like a hamburder.”

In a follow-up telephone call, Speaker Pelosi expressed sympathy to the commander in chief, advising plenty of bed rest, when beverages and soup, and whatever random chemical treatment he may have read about on some misspelled Facebook page or viewed on a YouTube video starring a man in a Doogie Howser Halloween costume.  No matter who we support, or how mind-crushingly dumb we are, Nancy Pelosi has just shown that, at heart, we all want what’s best for the President.

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