Pelosi Freezes Funding For Supreme Court


It’s well-known that one of the functions of Congress is to hold dominion over the metaphorical “purse strings” of the United States.  Choosing by through Democratic representation of the will of the American electorate what projects, institutions, and agencies get funding for their needs and activities is a large part of their constitutional onus.

“Did someone just say ANUS y’all? Yum!”

Well, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi is currently in charge of Congress, and just recently announced that during this contentious and controversial election cycle, she’ll be using her powers granted through Article 3, section 1 to cut off all funding routes to the Supreme Court, effectively shutting down the governing body until further notice.

The announcement was made during a keg party at the house of Joe Barron Ginsberg, nephew of the late liberal justice.

The move has caused many within the right-wing punditsphere to shit their figurative drawers throughout the morning, as many claim it’s in response to impeached soon-to-be-former President Trump’s desperate attempt to cling to power like a despicable third-world dictator.  Pelosi countered those claims on MSNBC’s morning show “Trumptards Today”.

“I believe a line from the great film classic ‘Serenity’ applies here : ‘If your quarry goes to ground, leave no ground to go to.’  Trump thinks he can have the court he stuffed with a rapist and a creepy Amish woman steal this election for him.

The fact Is, none of his frivolous butthurt lawsuits are going to make it past day one of the lower courts, let alone to the Supremes.  Trump has about as much luck winning shitty lawsuits as he does birthing unretarded children.  But just in case he has a few drooling ball lickers somewhere down the line, we’re removing that variable from the equation.

The moving vans are already on the way.  I’d suggest he and his family concentrate on vacuuming and fumigating or I’ll hold onto their security deposit and they’ll be staying in a Motel 6 for a few months until Captain Bankruptcy can scam some cash from somewhere else.”

You could probably sell those campaign trucks to Putin. He loves jumping those things over people tied to train tracks.

The funding freeze is effective immediately, and the Speaker confirmed it will last until Biden is sworn in and perhaps beyond.  Let’s hope Kavanaugh bought extra tissues.

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