America’s gas and oil industry is booming. Thanks to the process of fracking, the United States has become an exporter in the field of fossil fuels for the first time ever, a narrative that the outgoing Trump administration has been pushing in order to polish his abominable record of incompetence and murderous stupidity.
What’s failed to be mentioned however, are the little details, like that oil exports have always been a part of our country’s economy, independent of drilling, much of the lower price index is caused by Russian disparity and market shortages, and that fracking is poisoning people to death and destroying wildlife and farmland by devastating water tables.
That’s why incoming leader Joe Biden is calling for a reduction in fossil fuels by calling for all vehicles in the United States to operate solely on electric power by 2022. To some, that seems like a pipe dream. And it is, because this article is satirical.
Sandy Batt, an employee of Tesla Motors who spends her days installing glove-compartment springs and in-dash testicle polishers for the company’s newest electric Model XXX says the goal might be within reach.
“This goal is absolutely not within reach at this time. I believe that Mr. Biden’s previous stand on green issues frightens his easily-scammed critics on the right who are so backwards that they still think electricity is some kind of voodoo magic. I don’t believe he actually made a statement as declared in the headline of this piece, and assume it’s just something some guy eating Chinese food for breakfast wrote to get a reaction from the tragically trumptarded.”
Batt may be right. But is Panda Express really “Chinese food”? And what would be wrong with the implication? I mean, what do Chinese people have for breakfast? Not Boo Berry, you Yankee dogs.
Biden’s statement made waves all across the world. What will he propose next? Feeding mayonnaise to the tuna first to cut out the middle man? Making it illegal to name your child “Donald Trump?” There may be something to that second one. Stay tuned, True Believers!