Kamala Admits Previous Affair With Senator Matt Santos

SCANDALOUS!

It’s an overcast day in Oakland, California, and the streets are mainly quiet.  Downtown, the party people celebrating the rise of local hero, district attorney Kamala Harris to her nomination as Vice Presidential candidate on the Democratic ticket for 2020 are sleeping in, banners still flying on paint-cracked porches.  Harris sits furtively at the small table of a breakfast nook on 12th street in the city center and orders a black coffee.

The beverage was immediately labeled a “thug” by the Trump administration.

“It’s been an incredible two days,” she admits before waving to some early commuters exiting the nearby Bay Area Rapid Transit system.  “And it’s only going to get crazier.”

As the news of her appointment hit the media, so did the Republican smear machine begin to churn.  They seem to be almost giddily conflicted about whether to first attack her with their usual racist aplomb, or to use their typical obnoxious misogynist woman-hating outlets like Fox News or OAN to stroke their tiny dicks and continuously slobber over their failed incumbent President Trump, who presides over a blasted economy and a botched pandemic.  Yesterday, they seized upon a rumor that Harris had once had an affair with Senator Matt Santos, a character from television’s The West Wing.  She laughs and admits her past inequities.

“Well, they’re going right after the whole Willie Brown tale, predictably.  So sure, why not.  Everyone loves Jimmy Smits.  He’s on everything.  When you need a boost in eating a from a strong actor, he’s your go-to guy.  It’s also hilarious that Trump’s ditchpig parade of elderly limp dicks who haven’t had an orgasm since they spotted Marty McFly at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance, are going to go after MY sex life while they’re defending the fat pervert with two dozen rape allegations who plugged a porn star while his wife was pregnant.  That’ll work out well for them.  I swear, when we best these dumb fungus factories in 2020, Joe should executive order them into mental hospitals with handcuff beds.”

The part you missed was after his first number, Marty did Megadeth’s “Holy Wars”, and invented stoners.

Senator Santos had no response to the scandal, being entrenched in his own campaign.  As Oakland began to awaken, Kamala took her leave.  She paid for the coffee and smiled, bidding me adieu from a summoned Uber.  Driven by Martin Sheen.

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