San Francisco 49ers Hires All Transgendered Cheerleading Squad

In the liberal age of “cancel culture” and the shaming of all things natural and holy, we find ourselves at an abominable crux of maintaining our American values at the expense of our wellbeing and our Christian souls. Children’s literature, statues of American history and culture, and even the British Royal Family have all come under attack by the supposedly tolerant left.

The one thing we have held on to was our love of football and its premier institution, the NFL.

But now, the talons of liberal hypocrisy have wrenched on to even that most American of vestiges, and are forcing their “tolerance” onto the sidelines. Starting in the 2021 season, the San Francisco 49ers will replace all their cheerleaders with transgendered individuals.

The squad, lovingly known to 49er fans as the Gold Diggers, has been cheering on the team since 1946. They have always been a buxom bunch of bosom buddies, boldly bringing bodacious banter to both broadcast audiences and bleacher bums alike. To strip this tradition away from one of the NFL’s most storied franchises is a tragedy.

The 49ers quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo was asked about the change.

He said, “I’ll f*ck pretty much anything. I really don’t see this affecting my on the field performance.”

The change seemingly won’t stop with the 49ers. It is rumored that the Dallas Cowboys, America’s team, will shortly follow suit.  Perhaps the most famous cheerleading squad in the NFL, they will be dropping all pronouns from their name.

The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders will soon go by the Dallas Bovines. While most Texans are outraged over the change, there is suspiciously little anger coming from the Dallas and Fort Worth areas.

The former 49ers cheerleaders have filed a lawsuit against the team and the NFL claiming sexual discrimination in their firing.

Team CEO Jed York says, “We are making the change for the betterment of the NFL and our fans. These broads can choose to be trans if they want. If not, maybe they should try working at Hooters.”

About Benjamin Thompson 105 Articles
Recruited to ALLOD as a POE before I even knew what a POE was. Right handed, avid golfer and cook. I play 5 musical instruments proficiently and work often as an audio engineer in both recording studios and live music venues throughout the SF Bay Area. I do some of my best work when I'm slightly drunk. Never smoked a cigarette in my life. Cheers!!

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