Millions of knock-off Harley Davidsons descended upon Custer, Montana to attend a motorcycle rally hosted by ‘Road House’ star Sam Elliot in support of President Donald Trump.
The event drew a bigger crowd than the yearly Sturgis gathering, making it the most well-attended motorcycle rally in the history of the United States.
In a speech at the rally, Elliot told supporters,
“Its moments like this when people of all walks of life come together, Germans, Swedes, Norwegians and such, that show the strength and diversity Trump has fostered in our great nation. Damn, I miss Patrick Swayze.”
The rally brought a much-needed boost to the local economy of Custer, which had been in dire straits the last four years. Hundreds of food vendors, unlicensed tattoo artists, and complimentary couples counseling were but a few of the attractions on hand.
Local sales of methamphetamines, cocaine, and artisanal steroids soared during the rally. Custer resident Lee Harvey Griswold tells us, “This is great. I haven’t cooked so much in years. Hopefully, Trump will run again in 2021 and Sam will host another rally here.”
The event was not without scandal, however, as an impromptu chili cook-off spurned violence. An all-out brawl ensued as one competitor was seen emptying chili purchased from a local Wendy’s into his crockpot.
The perpetrator was taken to a local hospital where emergency staff refused to treat his injuries. Chief surgeon Deepak Acharya told us, “You get what you get when you try to cheat at a chili cook-off. Don’t come into my ER expecting any sympathy.”
Many questioned the rationale of holding such a large event during a pandemic. Bikers are not known for complying with social mandates and are quick to rebel against any institution projecting their own agenda upon them.
Any fear of being a possible “super spreader” event was immediately squashed when the chant “I feel fine” rose from the unmasked crowd.
Overall, the rally was a huge success. It served to further Trump’s lead in the polls and sway many undecided voters.
Sam Elliot’s unwavering commitment to the President and our country has never been more clear. It is expected that Elliot will be awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom upon Trump’s re-election.