Biden Appeals Rittenhouse Case, Gets Do-Over


Kyle Rittenhouse is a young man going places.

After his stunning victory over the liberals protecting two maniacs intent on raping, pillaging, and generally protesting so-called injustice in Kenosha, Wisconsin, our Patriotic Puffin went on to the wonderful world of lawsuits, hitting up Whoopi Goldberg and the cast of television program The View, as well as the Obamas and President Joe Biden.

Biden, seen here, calmly supervising a White House blumpkin orgy.

Completely victorious on all of them, and exonerated of any wrongdoing despite wantonly murdering people, Rittenhouse seemed to be in the clear.  Until Biden’s legal defense, Joe Barron Esquire, took to the case.

“We’re announcing an appeal in Federal Court to the Rittenhouse judgement, in regards to the circumstances, the legality of death-dealing randomly, and monetary penalties.”

The appeal arrived yesterday, and the docket was lengthy enough to halt all payments and penalties, as of now, horrifyingly reversing the entire circumstance and setting the stage for a second trial.

Biden himself commented on the suit as he came out of a blood-replacement facility in Queefclammery, West Virginia.

“The boy is angry because I called him a ‘white supremacist’, which I intend to prove is the truth.  If we need to educate this fella’ in the Supreme Court, then I suppose that’s what we’ll do.  Screw this kid.”

“Shhh. Don’t say that phrase. The Q people are hibernating.”

Judge Bruce Schroeder, who presided over the original case is barred from the new goings on, but personally assured his admirerers that he would be in Rittenhouse’s corner once again, nuzzling his tiny adolescent nuts.