Rachel Maddow Caught Pink-Handed, Suspended by MSNBC

The truth is right in front of you

Rachel Maddow got caught in quite an embarrassing situation yesterday, and it has many of her detractors up in arms.

It also puts MSNBC in the precarious predicament of having to suspend her just weeks before the election.

What could she have done to cause such a ruckus? Well…

“For the love of God, Rachel, put that thing away.”

This was the first comment made by a participant in Zoom meeting attended by Rachel Maddow when she began furiously masturbating during what she thought was a break.

The meeting had 22 total participants including children and small pets. While Maddow claims she thought they were on a break and her camera was off, one must call into question her sincerity.

How does a grown woman, a veteran anchor for MSNBC, and a former member of her high school AV club not understand how Zoom works? Why even take the chance that someone might see you? What on earth provoked you to do this at that time?

Head of quality control at MSNBC Joe Barron tells us,

“While we encourage our on-air personalities to express themselves freely, there’s a time and place for everything. No one needed to see that during that Zoom meeting. Those poor children!”

Co-Anchor Brian Williams was also taken aback by the news. “For years I’ve been sitting there beside her reading the headlines. You think you build up a level of trust with someone over that period of time. Now I just wonder what’s been going on under that desk?”

To go along with her one-month suspension, MSNBC is requiring Maddow to begin sex addiction therapy immediately. She is expected to check herself into the Rocco Columbo Home for Sexual Deviants in upstate New York on Monday. She must also complete a 22-hour online course in Zoom instruction.

Surprisingly, analysts do not expect this to be a career-threatening incident for Maddow. Many expect her demographic to embrace her further, and possibly even grow her fan base.

The 38-second long Maddow sex tape entitled “Maddow’s Minge Party” is expected to be available online early next week.

About Benjamin Thompson 66 Articles
Recruited to ALLOD as a POE before I even knew what a POE was. Right handed, avid golfer and cook. I play 5 musical instruments proficiently and work often as an audio engineer in both recording studios and live music venues throughout the SF Bay Area. I do some of my best work when I'm slightly drunk. Never smoked a cigarette in my life. Cheers!!

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply