Francis Orders All Georgia Churches Closed Over Voting Law Controversy


The state of Georgia was understandably rocked by the last election when the usually Republican-occupied territory became monstrously blue.  Like many other things including soap, gas prices, and how facemasks work, the GOP and it’s members immediately blamed the circumstances on foul play and/or insidious magical interference.

Republican Senator Marjorie Taylor Greene believes Tom Hanks and Hydra are both involved.

Georgia governor Brian Kemp helped his state’s cheat-friendly legislators bend over invitingly for the teabagger Trump crowd by approving the new law, which ravages absentee ballot voting and makes it a misdemeanor to provide refreshment for voters waiting in long lines, for starters.  Frankly, being Georgia, many are just surprised he didn’t simply rubber stamp Donald Trump’s name on each ballot with his tiny penis.

Backlash to the ridiculously childish and unconstitutional law came swiftly, with organizations including Delta Airlines and Major League Baseball striking out, as well as a predictable “boycott” against them by Trumpers pretending they matter.  But now, a new wrinkle as Pope Francis himself has stepped into the fray.

Cardinal Joe Barron of Queefer’s Hollow Sanctuary in Rome explained the pontiff’s declaration.

“His Eminence has ordered every church within the American state of Georgia closed as of today.  His feeling is that sore losers rigging the game in a desperate attempt to boost their disgusting and racist candidates is sinful and un-Christian, and therefore unworthy of the Lord’s ears.  So let it be written, so let it be done.”

“Amember, once it’s done, it can’t be doned again. Can’t re-done a doned deal.”

The edict was accompanied by a warning that any church that refuses the order will be denied any and all papal funding and will be struck by shit-filled cantaloupes thrown by papal investigators who have been embedded in the region for special undercover operations.

It appears that God is no longer on the side of the obviously racist and stupid political right, if He ever really was to begin with.  Perhaps it’s time for governor Kemp and his fellow Georgians to consider reading some pamphlets on accepting Jehova.

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