Pope Francis Calls Trump : ‘America’s Judas’


In recorded human history, there really isn’t much more well-known of an archetype of the turncoat traitorous ally than Judas of Iscariot.  As the story goes, he was one of the 12 original disciples of Jesus Christ who turned around and betrayed Him for money by pointing him out to anti-Semitic authorities.  Well, according to Pope Francis, that betrayal ranks equal in spirit to how *President Trump has dealt with his own constituents in the United States.

“And y’all thought I fucked up. At least I didn’t send the National Guard against protesticators. Heh.”

During a speech from the Great Joe Barron Veranda on the Vatican’s east side near where the EB Games used to be, the one that had that giant cardboard stand-up Jill Valentine from Resident Evil that everyone thought was Joan Jett in the window, the pontiff tore into the morbidly obese leader, referring to him by the biblical traitor’s name to shouts of “Amen!  Lock him up!” and “Praise the Lord and flush the orange turd!”

“The actions of Mr. Trump in America are the same as those expressed by Judas towards Jesus Christ, my children.  Betrayal of trust.  Betrayal of safety and life.  He turns his back on the military troops his ally hunts down.  He averts his gaze as thousands upon thousands of his people suffer and perish from a virus he will no longer even address.  At this point, Ming the Merciless and Kryton would take better care of their population than that giant overinflated lumpy Sumo suit.  And don’t call me Francis.  The name’s ‘Psycho’.”

Bernie says his Rabbi likes to be called “Schlomo Replay.”

The “Judas” reference went viral instantly on social media with hashtags #JudasofAssCarrot and #BulbousBetrayer trending at the top spot for days.  Will the Pope and his American flock find it in their hearts to forgive him in the way of the savior?  Or will they stand up to the demented cartoon *President and throw him over the tables of the moneylenders and into a great chasm of suffering and despair?


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