Even during this age of pandemic crisis and political upheaval, some beloved American traditions are still defiantly being observed, one of which is the classic Macy’s Thanksgiving day parade in New York City. Full of floats, traveling displays and air-filled flying pop culture icons, the festival serves as the official beginning of the holiday season.
This year’s lineup of eye candy is slightly altered, featuring a few less balloons (both Chick-fil-a’s Sammy Salmonella and KY Jelly’s Lubey the Lion were damaged last year when former First son Donald Trump Jr. ran wild with a pair or pruning shears during a cocaine binge), but organizers promise all the pomp and circumstance will be present, as this year’s honorees Presedent-elect Joe Biden and running mate Kamala Harris are celebrated throughout the day.
Macy’s spokesperson and corporate head stockboy Joe Barron explained that showcasing the victorious Democrats is a perfect tribute to the process of healing that America desperately needs after the shitshow of 2020.
“We’re bringing a spirit of optimistic hope to the people of America who are excited that we’re finally going to have a competent leader. If the election, which is over, said anything, it said we want and need a change from Mr. Trump, whose complete incompetence, terrible leadership, and term full of grifting is now mercifully finished.
“We’re proud to be placing Joe and Kamala in the White House as true logical and capable managers to hopefully start on repairing at least some of the severe damage that Trump and his disgusting followers have inflicted upon our country. We’re flying high with victory in 2021!”
The parade, as usual, will be televised on Thanksgiving morning and afternoon.
During its live procession on the street, social distancing and mask measures will be observed. Police and security forces are asking supporters of disgraced President Trump to please wear deodorant and charge rascal scooters fully ahead of time.