AOC Proposes Using Fort Knox To Pay For Green New Deal

THIS IS DOWNRIGHT NUTTY!

When the Democrats take power, it never fails that the environmental lobby creeps in and starts nosing around for whatever bags of money the radical left is ready to drop into their hands.  It’s no different now under the regime of President Joe Biden and Pelosi’s Congress, with New York’s Mini-Marxist Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez stepping up to make the cash grab on the earth’s behalf.

Opposed to the idea are Mini-Gene Simmons and Mini-Ace Frehley. Mini-Peter Criss and Mini-Paul Stanley refused to comment.

During an interview with The Queefington Post’s Joe Barron this morning, the socialist seniorita proposed using the country’s sacred gold depository, Fort Knox, as an option for payment for her “green new deal” legislation.  Barron, clearly both surprised by the suggestion, as well as comfortably erect, pressed the Representitive for details.

“Well, like, it’s just sitting there.  It’s like when your dad makes you a bank account for when you’re 21, right?  With like, those savings bond things or whatever.  But the fun part of your life is when you’re young, and that’s when you could really use money, not when you’re all old and cobwebby and all.  So what are we waiting for with all that gold?  Right?  All the grampas to buy Viagra and Oldsmobiles?  So path.”

Cortez’s green plans are estimated to come at a cost of nearly eleventy pillion dollars and include millions in payments to pay for woolen “tree sweaters”, and include a plan to slow climate change by installing Jewish lasers on lighthouses to warm ocean waters.  Much of the funding would also benefit activist and politician Al Gore’s moon-based windmill farm.

“Sure there’s no wind there now, but all we need is one gust, and they go forever. We’re already training astronauts to fart.”

Brilliant or ridiculous?  The Little Lady of Legislation is a self-professed master of thinking outside the box.  But is America ready to impulse buy what she’s selling next to our red, white, and blue checkout stand?

Maybe it’s time to lock up Fort Knox tighter than Nancy Pelosi’s ice cream freezer.  That way it’ll be safe from socialism.

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