Biden Pardons Obama, Other Officials for Spying on Trump Campaign

obamagate investigation torpedoed

President Biden has issued a pardon for former President Barack Obama for his role in spying on President Trump’s 2016 campaign.

And, in a sweeping action intended to undo all investigations that occurred under President Trump, Biden ordered all investigations into not only the origins of the Russia investigation but also into any other wrongdoing by government officials halted, thus effectively shutting down all probes into potential illegal activity that were begun by the Trump administration.

This includes Operation Crossfire Hurricane.

But the current President went even further. He also pardoned all former government officials that were in any way connected to what has become known as “Obamagate”, and reinstated with back pay any officials that were fired as a result of their involvement, including FBI investigators Andrew McCabe and Peter Strzok.

The pardon and reinstatement of Peter Strzok are especially onerous, given the fact that not only was he having an affair with another FBI agent, but he was also disparaging President Trump in text message exchanges he had with her while he was actively investigating President Trump.

Not surprisingly, some FBI officials are extremely unhappy with President Biden’s actions. One such official, who asked to remain anonymous for fear of retaliation, said:

“We were just about ready to issue over a dozen indictments. While I can’t say who was going to be indicted because the subject is classified, I can say that they included the “usual suspects” that have been the subject of so many “Lock her up!” or “Lock him up!” chants at Trump rallies.

This is unconscionable! It is clearly obstruction of justice, which is the exact same thing that President Trump was accused of.”

Acting DOJ spokesperson Cletus Derpfinger disagreed:

“I don’t know what the big deal is here. A little spying here, a little there, who cares? It’s what we do.

Besides, you wouldn’t believe the shit we found out. You know how Trump likes to put ketchup on his steaks, right? Well, his ketchup is laced with Adderall.

And the campaign staffers were all a bunch of pervs. They would take turns doing bong hits out of Kellyanne Conway‘s belly button during Happy Hour at Trump Tower. That included Don Jr., who for some reason always dressed up in a maid’s outfit.

I don’t even want to say what they did with Sarah Huckabee Sanders. There’s not enough eye bleach in the world to unsee that.

Unbeknownst to them, the Russians were filming and recording all of it because they had Trump Tower wired up like Fox’s news room.

They were idiots. Every single person working on that campaign was a certified moron, and the Russians were laughing their asses off at all of them! They still are, according to our intelligence sources.”

It is indeed a sad day for American Potatiots™. Can the country withstand four more years of President Biden?

About Watt A Plonker 28 Articles
Watt A. Plonker is a Wurlitzer Prize winning journalist and author of several books on Potato Farming. His latest book, "The Tantalizing Truth About Taters" was on the New York Times best seller list and was awarded the prestigious Creme de la Menthe prize for Culinary Science Fiction. Mr. Plonker lives in Peckham, South East London with his wife Gladys, who is a nurse with the National Health Service, and his pet hamster Rodney.

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