Even before her historic inauguration day, incoming First Lady Dr. Jill Biden is making history as the first American woman to hold the position and be nominated for the extraordinary honor of receiving a Nobel prize nomination. By contrast, ousted presidential trophy wife Melania Trump was once the recipient of a small “Golden Booby” trophy and a coupon for six free car washes for her second place win at a wet T-shirt competition in Queeflando, Florida.
The Good Doctor Biden was nominated for the Nobel in Literature and Education this weekend by Sandy Batt, the head of the American Scholastic Society for her work authoring several children’s books and parenting manuals, as well as her tireless education work. Both Bidens also had a hand in constructing the first school for communist indoctrination inside the borders of the United States, the Stalin Borscht Academy in Dearborn, Michigan.
Mrs. Biden thanked her supporters at a luncheon in her honor Sunday, and didn’t miss the opportunity to sling a few friendly and good-natured jabs at her predecessor.
“Melania Trump’s head is about as empty as her husband’s adderall bottle after a circle jerk. I’m joking of course. I’ve met the woman, and she’s as sharp as a sock full of soup. I’m sure after their loss, she’ll be able to find employment in one of the finest modelling agencies that the world of the blind has to offer. In fact, I’ve heard that Stevie Wonder touched her face and asked why someone had filled a plastic fanny pack up with tartar sauce. Thank you everyone!”
The nomination has caused a stir among conservatives, reminding them of former un-impeached President Barack Obama’s award, which continues to make Donald Trump shine as an epic failure and political equivalent of a mangled basketball that’s been run over and left in someone’s driveway.
For the rest of intelligent America, Biden is being celebrated with cards and flowers sent to her by way of the White House staff room. Aides note that Mike Pence once got a “Cookie Puss” cake for his birthday from acting legend Scott Baio.