Biden States He Will Not Run for Second Term

WHAT???

As the contentious 2020 election nears, polling and public sentiment have all but secured a victory for Democratic challenger Joe Biden.

The incumbent President Donald Trump seems to have whittled his base down to a small collection of elderly white low-income sewer-dwellers and mentally-defective nosepickers.

“More Coronavirus only means more nosepicking! WINNING!”

Many of these hangers-on point to the election of 2016, noting that in that time of political upset, polls had been certain of a Clinton victory.

More intelligent voices would point out that Biden currently has much more support among Democrats than Clinton did, and a greater amount of urgency to his campaign, given the proven incompetence of his rival and the overall atmosphere of the Trump plague.  Also, it’s not like pollsters didn’t learn and make adjustments after four years.

However, instilling a deeper sense of trust in the voters for transparency and determination, Biden has released a statement through his acting Chief of Staff Joe Barron, that he intends to serve only a single term in office, and will consequently step down to allow VP nominee Kamala Harris a chance at Presidential legacy.

“Joe isn’t in denial about the age factor.  He’s aware of the rigors of campaigning very acutely, and wishes only to use his four years to right the ship that Trump has so incompetently sank.

He will deal with the pandemic correctly, instead of ignoring it and pretending it’ll vanish like that idiot Donald.  Protect American lives.  He will bring the economy back with jobs and responsibility, not tax cuts for the rich which haven’t worked for 50 years.

Then he will hand the reigns to Kamala Harris, the teabagger’s worst nightmare : a strong, intelligent woman of color.  Trust the plan, patriots.”

35% of registered voters say their plan is to vote for Biden and then just get completely baked until Trump becomes a distant cartoon memory.

It’s a tactic meant to calm any of the very few “undecided” voters left this close to the contest who may not be entirely sold on the Senator.

It’s also a promise of accepting some new blood in the future instead of suffering four more years of a mothballed Mr. Magoo cartoon-like Trump.

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