Pelosi To Delay SSI Payments Until Trump Agrees to Stimulus

UNBELIEVABLE!

A second stimulus check to help those private citizens and businesses still affected by the loss of employment and business due to the pandemic shut down is needed more critically every day.  Yet for a month, talks between Congress, under control of Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and the President and his Republican backers have stalled.

Ben Carson even tried bringing them Pictionary, but Trump just told him to get back to doing the lawn.

Now it’s come to a head as President Trump has declared he’s dropping the matter entirely, willing to trust that something else will appear to aid needy Americans.  Pelosi, evidently less of a believer than the Monkees, has declared she will take drastic steps to bring Trump back to the table, including delaying social security payouts to the bulk of the child-like leader’s molding, backwards, and racist fan base.

Joe Barron of the Washington Queefer-courier took Pelosi’s statement during a drink-off at the Broken Drum pub in San Francisco.

“He and his band of money-laundering frauds continuously see the stimulus as a giant bag of money to share with their corporate friends, special interests, and wealthy dirtbag sponsors.  That’s not what it’s for.  If the world’s fattest and dumbest infant will maybe have ten seconds of sense for once, he wouldn’t have to get a spanking through his elderly base of morons. This simpleton poisons the country and causes an economic crash and has the nerve to try to profit from it?  Nope.  Screw him and all his wheezing zombie Oldsmobilers.”

“Hello? We buy Lexus. It’s Latin for ‘douchebag in motion.”

The checks will be halted effective immediately, just as winter is approaching and utility companies have been given the go ahead by – guess who – President Typhoid, to begin enforcing payments again and stop allowing those affected by this crisis to defer.  You know, if Donald Trump were unthinkably elected again, it’s starting to look like it won’t take much longer for him to MAGA the country completely to death.

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