Melania’s First Son Calls Trump ‘A Sex Tourist’

WOW.

A very subtle and, until now, very private and personal part of first lady Melania Trump’s life has remained so for the duration of the presidential couple’s fame.

It is neither shocking nor an embarrassment that such a beautiful wife and mother has an additional child from a previous relationship in her native Slovenia, a child who chose to remain there, but is now speaking out to American News outlets in what appears to be an attempt to slander his stepfather, the President of the United States.

“Is he hot?”

Mushka Ivanov Knavs, now 30 years of age, has been mostly concerned with operating a small root vegetable farm in he and his mother’s native village of Schmuta, about two miles from the Slovenian coast.

Raised by his father, former professional snapping-turtle hunter Joesefi Barron, the son of the most famous woman on Earth has lived a quiet and healthy life.

Or at least he did.  Until, he says, many years ago, when Donald Trump came and took his mother away from him.

“This Trump, he is, like you Americans say on catching predator television show, ‘sex tourist.’  He have much money to travel, all over and over for finding women to make sex for money because no woman like him for free.  My mother was one of these women.  She is nice for babushka, but is not smart.

After she leave for United States with this fat Trump, farm does not have person for milk goats and horny llama.  No one for making food and hand job for field men.  Now is, how you say, pain in giant asshole for work every day.  All because man with father’s money too fat and disgusting for find American bride.  I spit where this Trump makes to walk.  Hi mom.”

“Baby, I am sending you new turnip puller for Christmas. You be best, or Santa Man will secretly poison you!”

Reportedly, Mushka was briefly interested in visiting the White House, but that was during the Obama administration.  This one, he says, “Is bad reality television show.”

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