Attorneys for the San Francisco based heavy metal band Metallica have issued a cease and desist order to the President Trump’s campaign over the use of their song “Master of Puppets” during recent rallies.
The band’s drummer, Lars Urlacher, has been very outspoken in recent weeks regarding his disdain for our president, specifically as it pertains to his taste in music.
“We are still a relevant band”, Urlacher told reporters. “If he wants to use our music, he should at least play something off our St. Anger album.”
When news of the order and Urlacher’s statement reached the Oval Office, several White House insiders noted the president seemed to take the band’s concern seriously. An intern immediately downloaded the St. Anger album at Trump’s request.
Needless to say, the listening party didn’t last long. After just a few seconds of the title track, Trump told staffers, “That snare drum sound isn’t gonna win us any votes. We’re running a presidential campaign, not a retirement home for has-been rockers.”
Jared Kushner, who was also present, was overheard saying, “This album makes me want to hold my breath as I wish for death.” Ivanka was quick to reply with, “Oh please God take me”, which drew many hands to foreheads.
To say that Metallica is passed their prime is to state the obvious. This snub to President Trump is yet another in a long line of stunts by the 80’s stars to remain relevant. Napster was the first result of their decline. I suppose now they could hope the Biden campaign picks up some of the soft-core yacht rock they’re secreting these days.
Upcoming shows for Metallica include the East Central Minnesota Pork Producers Ball in Pine City, MN on November 13, and the 37th wedding anniversary of Steve and Margaery Pliskin at the American Legion outpost 20 in Newark, NJ on December 3.