Pelosi Has Already Spent Trump Library Funds

UNBELIEVABLE!

If there’s one thing everyone knows about Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, it’s that she loves her ice cream.  But if there’s two things, it’s that she also loves spending taxpayer money in large amounts and frequently.

“Hey, you think I can get a little of that scratch? I need a bump, man. Junior needs a little bumpity bump.”

The newest scam to come floating down the wire is a doozy : It seems, according to Sandy Batt of the New York Queef, that Pelosi has spent the nearly $41.00 raised by independent donations and stolen money from Trump’s fraudulent charities that was earmarked for construction of the Trump Presidential library.  The library, which is slated to contain only pornographic material and penis enhancement creams, is due to open in 2055, to coincide with the tubby criminal’s release from prison.

In the report, originating in the mainstream media, but this time totally true because you trumptard simpletons like It, Pelosi was found through tax records and receipts to have used the money to have her hair done, styled and lightly highlighted.  The biggest shock?  This isn’t the only time.

“Oh, quite a few of Trump’s moron club send him checks and cash in the mail,” Pelosi admitted while drinking her third Long Island Iced Tea.  “Usually me and the girls go on a spree with that shit.  We call it ‘Dummy Money.’  Like : ‘Hey, Alexandria!  Let’s go spend some of this Dummy Money at Mervyns!’  Or : ‘Hey. Ilhan, grab this pile of Dummy Money and send it to Planned Parenthood.  Just write JESUS as the return address!’  One time we bought a thousand Baby Ruth bars and convinced President Stupid that he pooped all the way down the hallway to Pence’s office.  Fun stuff. “

“You guys! Check it out! I paid NASA to make a Fat Head Ape balloon and drone it around D.C. dropping urine balloons!”

The Speaker has not responded to calls for comment on this just-breaking story, and representatives at her office claim she is currently using some leftover cash from the 2.4 billion she took for the impeachment to ride elephants in the Serengeti.

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