Biden Axes Keystone Pipeline – Experts Predict $12/Gal. Gas

UH OH!

In his preliminary bid to undo the mistakes and bad policy of his predecessor, President Joe Biden has revoked the deal that Donald Trump made to support the Keystone XL pipeline contract.  The oil delivery line was first vetoed during the Obama administration.

Last Friday, President Trump accidentally ate a piece of cabbage and shit out a license plate from 1971.

President Trump, not one to care for the environmental cost of the disastrous pipeline, not to mention clean drinking water or any sort of necessity, restarted the work, but was, of course, delayed after losing two lawsuits because he never knows anything about what he’s doing, ever.

Joe Barron of the conservative think-tank The Queefatage Foundation says the pipeline’s cancellation will drive the price of gas for Joe Little Guy up to probably twelve dollars a gallon or some shit.

“Look, conservatives are a mess right now, I’ll admit it.  We have to make shit up like this.  I know the pipeline is completely unnecessary in the first place.  We’re doing fine with fuel production.  Nobody wanted it except Trump, and I think he thinks it’s some kind of magic oil machine.  He was a goddamn embarrassing mess, the GOP class of ’21 that we’re stuck with now is a goddamn mess, so the best we can do going into this term is keep trying to scare our base as much as possible.  What do you want us to do?  Get jobs?”

Although the pipeline has nothing whatsoever to do with the price of gas, Barron’s strategy is a good one, since he’s basically selling it to millions of slow-witted douchebags who don’t understand how a cucumber can become a pickle, let alone the oil and gas market.

“You leave that Keystone be! How else America gonna open up the Doorstone? Trump 3024!”

In a related note, Biden also re-entered the Paris accord climate treaty, which GOP strategists are already planning to spin as scary proof that the “Green New Deal” is next and we’re all about to end up riding bicycles.

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