Trump Campaign Lawyer Sidney Powell Found Dead

"Kraken" drowns in bathtub

This has beyond a shadow of a doubt been a bad and tragic week for American patriots.

First, President Trump’s efforts to rectify the electoral count do not seem to have been met with much success, as case after case has been thrown out of court by mostly liberal justices who have completely disregarded all evidence presented at trial.

Second, John Isaac, the American hero who raised the alarm about Hunter Biden’s laptop died in a mysterious and fiery conflagration in his new computer repair shop in Colorado.

And now, tragedy has struck yet again.

The lead lawyer for the Trump campaign’s efforts to overturn the election results in Georgia and other contested swing states has been found dead.

Sidney Powell, the self-described “Kraken” whose heroic efforts resulted in shouts of “Release the Kraken” at Trump rallies and was the subject of numerous viral social media posts has been found drowned in her bathtub at her home in Durham, North Carolina.

While the investigation is still in its early stages, her death appears to have occurred under highly suspicious circumstances.

According to Durham Police Chief Homicide Investigator Cletus Derpfinger, Ms. Powell’s body was found face down and fully clothed in her bathtub after neighbors had called police because they had heard shouting and gurgling sounds coming from her home.

A statement released by the Durham Homicide Unit reads as follows:

“Upon entering the residence responding officers immediately noticed that her office had been ransacked and her personal computer and laptop were both missing.

In their place a business card from an unknown Venezuelan organization called “El Dominion” was found with the words “Kraken this!” written on the back.

The officers then heard the sound of running water coming from the en suite bathroom of the master bedroom, where the body was found face down in cold water.

Perched on the floating victim’s derriere was a dead squid wearing a small MAGA hat with its middle tentacle extended. At this point in time we have no idea how the squid got there, but it seems impossible for the victim to have placed it there herself after accidentally drowning.

The investigation is ongoing and we will update the public as new developments arise. However, given the initial evidence it is fair to say with some confidence that foul play was involved.”

Tragedy upon tragedy. When will it end? How many more Potatriots™ have to die?

 

Editor’s note: this preliminary image possibly released by police may or may not be Powell’s body, and could in theory also be someone else’s bathtub. However, it is definitely a picture of an apparently dead person floating in someone’s bathtub.
About Watt A Plonker 28 Articles
Watt A. Plonker is a Wurlitzer Prize winning journalist and author of several books on Potato Farming. His latest book, "The Tantalizing Truth About Taters" was on the New York Times best seller list and was awarded the prestigious Creme de la Menthe prize for Culinary Science Fiction. Mr. Plonker lives in Peckham, South East London with his wife Gladys, who is a nurse with the National Health Service, and his pet hamster Rodney.

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