Judge Amy Coney Barrett Confirms: ‘U.S. is a Christian Nation’

Praise Jesus!

Judge Amy Coney Barrett — nominee to the Supreme Court of the United States, mother of seven children, and devout Catholic — confirmed to an audience of fellow worshippers that the United States is definitely, 100 percent a Christian nation.

This would probably come as a surprise to the Founding Fathers, who went out of their way to say that nah, the U.S. is most definitely NOT a Christian nation.

But SCOTUS Justice-to-be Amy Coney “Handmaid” Barrett begs to differ.

“This is a holy country and the Bible is more important than our Constitution and Declaration of Independence. When I’m on the court, I will tinker around the edges of the First Amendment, by slipping in a few modifiers.

It currently reads: ‘Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press, or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.’

My new and improved version will say: ‘Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion (except Christianity), or prohibiting the free exercise thereof (except Islam or Judaism or anything else that’s not all Jesus-y); or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.'”

See how that’s better? It clears it all up: we’re a Christian nation, free speech is bullsh*t, the media is your enemy, rioters and looters are un-American twats, and the Government doesn’t give a crap about your grievances.

World-renowned First Amendment scholar Joe Barron was aghast when told of the handmaid’s plans to change our country’s bedrock principles of freedom of religion and freedom of speech.

“This would change…everything. I knew Trump was selecting complete lunatics for the courts, but this one is in a class of lunatics all by herself. We are definitely not a Christian nation. Not now, not ever.”

When Joe Barron speaks, listen.

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