Pelosi’s Grandson To Assume Kamala’s Senate Seat

OH COME ON.

It’s been a growing sense of concern, and some people say, paranoid ridiculous conspiracy hogwash in conservative Trump supporter circles, that incoming Vice President Kamala Harris isn’t assured the position because she hasn’t yet vacated her Senate seat, a clue that a grand scheme keeping Trump and Pence in place is still, insanely, afoot.

Even though California Representitive Alex Padilla has already been named nearly a month ago, a host of badly-informed and ravenously stupid teabaggers continue to deny reality.  It’s for exactly this reason that Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has just announced that her nonexistent grandson, Joe Barron Pelosi, will be filling the seat for a period of one hundred and seventy five million years.

Pelosi’s family members live very long thanks to both mutant genes and Rammstein music.

The junior Pelosi works as a door-to-door door salesman in Los Queefamos, California, and previously graduated from the South Detroit School of Believin’, with a degree in midnight train construction.  During his later studies, he inadvertently invented a five-pronged fork, which revolutionized the noodle cuisine industry in both Italy, and, dare I mention the name, China.

(China, although possibly the world’s largest emerging economy and superpower which will need to be dealt with through careful negotiation and not some fat guy yelling about communism, is currently the teabagger fear buzzword, which they know absolutely nothing about. )

Joe Pelosi will immediately be seated in a ceremony performed by the Illuminati and certified by the Deep State judge Judy Scheindlin.  He intends to immediately propose resolutions to steal away everyone’s firearms and Bibles, and then cancel NCIS so old people have nothing to watch while their poodles shit on their furniture.

“I love very much the fertilizer even if makes my spinach cakes taste like ass.”

Speaker Pelosi has expressed great confidence in her grandson’s ability to operate within the new Senate’s parameters, and noted that he already refuses to speak to any of the crazy Q dickheads that Republicans desperately let slip through.  Good luck and Godspeed, young man.

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