A drunk and irate Jill Biden showed up at the White House today with her cohort Nancy Pelosi, yelling at Trump and the remaining White House staff to, “Get your shit out of my house!”
They apparently came straight from Pelosi’s office in the Capitol, where she is known to keep a full bar. They arrived via Uber as the Secret Service refused to provide transportation for the drunken duo. It was an unscheduled visit that went against tradition.
The two rambled around the west wing berating staff, shaming them for working for a “wannabe dictator” before Mike Pence arrived to take control of the situation. The Vice President ushered the ladies out to the east lawn, where he showed them the various flora planted by the Obama administration. This served as a calming point, redirecting the conversation away from the staffers.
“Is this where I can plant my marijuana?” Jill Biden asked.
Pence was quick to chime in, “Mother and I set up a grow room in the Lincoln bedroom. We’ll gladly gift our crops to you and Joe, although I’m sure Kamala has her own connections in DC.” The three chuckled, knowingly.
Biden then demanded to see the Rose Garden. She told Pence of the rumors she heard about Melania ruining it. Pence assured her that, while she’s too drunk to be around such precious flowers, the story was planted by ANTIFA to paint a picture that Melania did not like roses, the flower of Portland, the home of ANTIFA.
Biden accepted this as truth, and Pence wiped away a bead of sweat from his forehead with his lily-white handkerchief. She then handed him a sealed envelope that was said to have contained $50 million cash and said, “This is for that thing on January 6.”
Pence feigned a smile as he accepted the cash and bid the ladies a good day.
This is when things got embarrassing for the two. They stumbled their way back into the White House where Secret Service caught Pelosi urinating into a plant. They were swiftly escorted out and distributed on Pennsylvania Ave. No taxis would stop for them, and both their Uber accounts had been suspended. Hunter Biden ended up picking them up in his 1998 Honda Accord. He was also drunk.
Biden’s Uber account was charged $250 for Pelosi throwing up in their driver’s car on the way to the White House.