New Biden Order Calls to Move Israeli Capitol Back


Since the days of World War 2, the United States has always been a crucial ally to the state of Israel, furnishing them with yearly aid and military might in the billions.  The Israeli people are a force for balance and good in the middle east, a moral compass and important source of spirituality, and a strong friend in times of need.

This is Hamantashen, a Jewish fig newton. It’s okay until you eat the middle out and then it tastes like doughy ass.

Former President Trump quickly recognized the value of pandering to them, knowing that his base of rabid pretend religious kooks hold the Jews in high regard for some reason, even as they label themselves as radical “Christian” maniacs whose rapturous visions of eternal life don’t include the gefilte fish-eating heretics.

President Biden has different views on Trump’s blessing to move the capitol from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem.  Instead of supporting an empty gesture that he believes will eventually cause more strife in the region where three seperate faiths call the city theirs, he’s issued executive order 22899-Z, which not only calls for the return of the capitol, but the complete and total carpet bombing of Jerusalem itself.  You read that right.

American Rabbi Joe Barron of New York’s Temple Beth Peter Criss says the move makes sense in the grand scheme of things.

“99% of the problems in the middle East stem from all these religions claiming Jerusalem as theirs and only theirs.  President Biden’s view is if we just evacuate the area and then blow the whole goddamn place to shit, they’ll be nothing left to fight over.  Like when kids are fighting and you just take away the basketball and leave.  It’s for the best.  We’ll build a few more bagel shops or whatever and forget about it.”

Bernie Sanders has a plan to socialize the production of lox schmear. It’ll come out of free pumps at the post office.

Biden has also proposed cutting military aid to the Zionist nation, as the security and power of new Jew Laser technology is sure to be a formidable force for Israel’s defense and security.

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