Is There A New Patriot Party or Isn’t There? – Investigative Report

People across this great nation who love their country dearly are tired of the wait. We’re tired of not knowing where our future lies.

That’s why we here at America’s Last Line of Defense decided to run our own investigative report and get the answer to the question everyone is asking: Is there or is there not going to be a Patriot Party?

Well good news, America. There absolutely will be a Patriot Party. According to documents we may or may not have had created for the article, the Patriot Party was registered with the Department of Election Referendums and Parties in January of 2021.

That means we can start the campaign right now, patriots. We can hop on board and finally just declare that all other candidates are inferior.

There’s no reason for debates. No reason for speeches. Of course we’ll need rallies, boat parades, and truck flag contests, but we all know how this goes now.

If there’s no Patriot Party member on the ballot, we stay home. It really is as simple as that.

The Trump people have filed a suit against the Patriot Party so he can keep up the appearance that he’ll be loyal to the Republicans until the next election cycle, when he’ll back Patriot Partiers only and register to run for the White House in 2024.

Unfortunately, being that this is pure fantasy to get the tater juices flowing, it’s looking unlikely that the Patriot Party will ever win an election. But that won’t be for a lack of trying!

Just remember, if you stay home, nobody gets your vote and they both lose.

You gotta love the system. God bless America.

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 42 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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