By the time this article is posted, it’s expected that Joe Biden will already have won the presidency of the United States, beating incumbent loser Donald Trump. Although, as expected, the mentally handicapped soon-to-be-former President is trying to fight the people’s will in court, past Trump experience with legal matters makes it likely that he will simply remain a laughing stock.
Biden, like literally every other Democratic candidate in history enjoyed a huge percentage of support from the black community, and in celebration, has contracted a virtual cavalcade of entertainers for his grand inauguration. Biden’s Cruise Director Sandy Batt rattled off a list of names big enough to make the Apollo theater jealous.
“Well, we have Beyonce, Ice Cube and Drake, of course. We’ll be seeing appearances by superstars like Lil’ Wayne, Rick Ashley, Lionel Richie, Queen LaQueefah, and a reunited Public Enemy. There’s a whole bunch more, mostly people who will be participating in the big ending where we all burn an effigy of Trump onstage live. It’s gonna be yuge. We were going to invite Kid Rock and let everyone repeatedly kick him in the balls, but he had a prior engagement.”
The inauguration, expected to take place in January will also feature a “Dancing With the Stars” like event starring a triumphant Nancy Pelosi along with teabagger boogeymen Barack Obama, Alec Baldwin, and Chuck Schumer. Pelosi has pulled 2.1 Billion dollars from the social security fund to cover the festivities in order to teach boomer supporters of Trump a hard lesson in judgement.
The event is sure to be the stuff of legend. Tickets will be made available just before Christmas with free admission for any and all registered Democrats, and at a small $500,000 fee for the less intelligent. It’s the party of the century so be there, or be as square as Sean Hannity’s head.