Jill Biden to “Completely Re-Decorate” Oval Office


Incoming First Lady Doctor Jill Biden told a crowd of admirers yesterday on a Zoom teleconference that she was absolutely “excited” to start her first project in America’s most sacred piece of real-estate.  The White House, specifically the Oval Office.

Next up – goodbye Lincoln memorial, hello She-Shed. 21st century, bitches. 

In an earlier interview with Joe Barron of Trump Lost, Qeefbag magazine, Mrs. Biden admitted that although she has very little experience in interior decorating, she didn’t want her husband’s tenure in the Presidency to include having him surrounded by an “inferior Trump atmosphere of failure.”  The professional educator went on to give is a brief preview of some of the changes.

“First of all, that ‘Resolute Desk?’  So nineteenth century.  I’m not having my husband sit at one of Queen Victoria’s garage sale leftovers when Ikea has such a great collection of office furniture that won’t break the bank.  The morbidly obese ape also changed the curtains when he came I  to these awful supposed ‘gold’ rags when he came in, probably to represent the riches he doesn’t actually have.  So we’re going to change them back.  Probably Biden landslide blue.  And I think everyone’s tired by now of that filthy Eagle seal on the rug.  How about a nice hammer and sicle?  I mean, if you’re a patriotic American, which symbol do you want to keep stepping on?  Not ours, right?”

Previous outgoing First Lady Melania Trump took much of the credit for the current decor, but witnesses say that in reality, she quickly arranged the room to resemble a Slovenian brothel, which was disassembled and again remodeled after she left for a two week vacation at a French plastic surgery themed amusement park.

“Le Tilt-a-Titty” will be ready by March of 2021.

A new President means a new look for an old house of honor.  It sounds like the Bidens are determined to eliminate every molecule of their predecessor’s stank from existence.  And isn’t that what America overwhelmingly voted for?

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