Trump’s Private Residence Vandalized By Soros Paid Liberal Troll

ohio man goes on rampage at mar-a-lago

An Ohio man who was able to enter former President Trump’s estate at Mar-A-Lago in Florida by posing as a supporter of the president has been arrested by Secret Service agents.

Igor Stemkowski, 67, of Youngstown, Ohio was taken into custody on Friday afternoon and charged with fifteen misdemeanor and felony counts, including vandalism, malicious mischief, theft of personal property and defacing the private quarters of the former first family.

Mr. Stemkowski is being held at the West Palm Beach municipal jail, where he was arraigned via video by magisterial judge on Friday evening. During his arraignment he was represented by attorney Joe Konders of the Palm Beach law firm of Blair, Flagg and Walsh, who entered a not guilty plea on his behalf.

According to the police report, Mr. Stemkowski is a Soros backed liberal troll with multiple accounts on social media sites such as Facebook.

This is not his first run-in with the Secret Service. He was previously paid a visit by the agency as a result of his trolling pro Trump pages on Facebook, during which he was given a stern warning and issued a cease and desist order.

During a Saturday morning press conference, West Palm Beach police chief Kivie Vega described the details of what happened:

“The suspect entered Mar-A-Lago shortly after lunch on Saturday wearing a MAGA hat and Trump-Putin 2024 t-shirt under the false pretense of wanting an autograph from President Trump. The suspect was then able to gain access to the President’s private residence, which had inadvertently been left unlocked by housekeeping staff.

The suspect then proceeded to go on a rampage, clogging up the presidential commode with (presumably) Mrs. Trump’s underwear, defecating on the bed, which had just been made, and urinating in Mr. Trump’s personal coffee mug featuring the Presidential Seal of the 45th president.

The suspect also stole several personal items from the former president, including a military themed coloring book and crayons, a bottle of powdered Adderall, a pair of presidential diapers, a box of Mr. Trump’s custom made condoms and a private scrapbook labelled “From Russia With Love” containing pictures of private meetings taken in hotel rooms during his trips to Russia.

We can only be grateful that Melania Trump was in a private meeting with her Greek Yoga instructor at the time.”

Reached at his office, Mr. Stemkowski’s attorney Joe Konders vowed to fight the charges:

“These charges are a travesty. My client only wanted to gather some souvenirs that he could show off to his trolling buddies.

Igor had nothing to do with defacing anything. The place was a mess when he got there. According to my client, the place looked like there had been some sort of wild orgy and someone had pooped on the bed by accident. He is being made a scapegoat in order to avoid embarrassing the former president.

You wouldn’t believe what he saw. I mean, who owns 2.5 inch condoms with a mushroom tip? And what kind of a grown man has a coloring book with “pew pew” written on pages featuring tanks?”

Mr. Stemkowski is being held on $200,000 bail pending trial.


About Watt A Plonker 43 Articles
Watt A. Plonker is a Wurlitzer Prize winning journalist and author of several books on Potato Farming. His latest book, "The Tantalizing Truth About Taters" was on the New York Times best seller list and was awarded the prestigious Creme de la Menthe prize for Culinary Science Fiction. Mr. Plonker lives in Peckham, South East London with his wife Gladys, who is a nurse with the National Health Service, and his pet hamster Rodney.