Congressional Democrats just can’t seem to be comfortable with anyone that President Trump nominates for the Supreme Court. His first stolen pick was Brett Kavanaugh, who was slammed with accusations of harassment and date rape from decades ago, impugning his character on the national stage. It looks like they’re at it again.
As Kavanaugh faced his convincing and absolutely credible accuser with manic mood swings and adolescent tantrums, so now must Amy Conet Barrett face hers, as accuser Joe Barron, a 47-year old professional baseball seam-stitcher from Queefington, Oklahoma, claims that he’d paid the now nominee for several instances of sexual relations between 1996 and 1998. Barron says he has photographic, video, DNA, and written evidence, as well as over three dozen eyewitnesses.
The accuser tells a tale filled with sordid detail, painting pictures of trysts in gas station restrooms, backwards and upside-down on top of mini-golf course windmills, and even in a hole in the ground that had been dug to bury a small town’s time capsule. Republican Senator Lindsey Graham, who nearly collapsed into a pussified black hole from his last tearful defense of a horrible human being in the Kavanaugh hearings, spoke to media sources while bailing diarrhea from his underpants with a dixie cup.
“Mah stars! They ah just lying again! Ah don’t know where they find all these liars to appear and try to ruin the life of a good woman! Y’all have some proof, but what does it even matter? If the poor woman was some kind of hooah? We all have different jobs in our lives, and she’s being asked to make choices for her country! Ah am appalled! Oh, mah corset just unsnapped! Ah have to cut down on those bon bons!”
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has already called Barron in to speak at the confirmation hearings for Barrett, a wacked out religious zealot who believes woman are subservient and evidently lived in a pilgrim settlement. It looks like the President has another perv fight on his hands.