Francis Calls Biden : ‘A Messiah’


His eminence the Pope, known as Francis, real name Jorge, has had quite the notable papacy, even as (relatively) early into it as six years.  Outspoken, liberal-leaning, and active in world events, the Holy Father has come to carve out his own following among the saved and is well-respected for his edicts and sermons.

Francis was a bouncer early in life, and once prayed over Patrick Swayze’s kicking foot.

Through the limited time spanning the Trump administration, however, the pontiff hasn’t had many good things to say about America’s leadership.  Chastising and denying Presient Trump’s character and decision-making has somewhat alienated him from the large contingent of CINO’s, or “Christians In Name Only” who droolingly crawl behind the chubby criminal leader.

Just this weekend, Francis called to congratulate undisputed President-elect Joe Biden and his running mate Kamala Harris, and beamed that America had ushered in a “New messiah”.  Joe Barron of the Queeferton Post related the remarks.

“I am very proud and delighted to see the blessing that America has received upon it’s acceptance of a new savior, a new messiah, a true good and just leader in the choice of Joe Biden.  After four years of the Satan-spawn Trump and his disciples of evil and lies, the path for the United States has once more turned towards God.  May he and his supporters rejoice in what they’ve done, and bring the Holy land in the West back into the arms of salvation.”

“It’s just too bad that McConnell and Cruz are still there,” he added.  “God hates those two assholes.”

In high school, Cruz was voted : “Most Likely To Be a Murder Suspect on a Monthly Basis.”

With the belssing of the Holy see, President Biden is certain to start off his term on a high note, and may hopefully begin to bridge the gap that the Republican party created through years of pandering to the gullible religious zealotry.  It’s not a bad thing for America to finally have God back on its side again after four years of a fat dementia demon, that’s for sure.

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