Busch Gardens Opens Only for Hillary’s Birthday


Happy Birthday to Hillary Clinton!  That’s what a few hundred of her closest friends, relatives, and business partners were yelling just yesterday as the former first lady, Senator, and Secretary of State turned 73.

And being a Clinton, of course, the celebration had to be out of the ordinary.

Not THAT out of the ordinary.

As one of her favorite vacation destinations, Busch Gardens Florida was chosen for this year’s “Benghazi Butcherin’ Blast”, a theme borne in the fervent imagination of her daughter Chelsea.

The only problem was that the attraction had been closed for some time due to the spread of the Trump plague.  What to do?

Joe Barron, Manager of V.I.P. Comfort at Busch Gardens made the initial suggestion to open the park solely for Mrs. Clinton.

“She’s very famous and, basically, a living legend, so I called in some favors from some park employees, and opened it up just for her and her guests.  Sure, we were going to lose some money on the deal, but it’s not just any day you work for the woman who REALLY won the 2016 election, if you know what I mean.

Everybody worked gratis anyway because it was such an honor.  There’s no way we’d ever do anything like this for that dipshit Trump, I’ll tell you that.  Who would even want to celebrate another year that doddering cocknazi managed to hold onto life anyway?

He’s why we were closed down in the first place.  The party was a big hit, and hopefully we’ll see you next year, Hillary!  If the shitchimp in the White House doesn’t get us nuked or something.”

“Should that happen, just remain calm and proceed to your nearest bird sanctuary.”

The celebration lasted until well into the next morning, with revelers making full use of the park and all its facilities.

When the booze finally stopped flowing and the fireworks faded away, the world-famous attraction, regretfully, went back into lockdown because of the incompetence of Donald Trump.

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