Memo Details Pelosi Plan to Reduce Gun Ownership by 40%

I KNEW IT.

Making headlines in Facebook groups and on Parler patriot pages this weekend, a viral release of a leaked memo from the office of Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi detailing a goal of the incoming Biden administration to reduce firearm ownership by forty percent.

The memo refers to a DNC plan outlined in a shadowy portion of its 2018 “Project Syrinx” which is patterned after specifics from the United Nation’s Agenda 21.

Many believe Canada contributed to the Syrinx plan and wish to someday assume control. Assume control. Assume control.

After the leak was reported and confirmed by absolutely no one except the article you’re currently reading, it was determined that it stemmed from satire and intended to turbo boost the already short-circuiting pacemakers and colostomy bags of the drooling clammy-lipped Trump mutants who have been throwing out conspiracy theories about how the slobbish porkchimp can somehow still win the election, which is over.

Psychologist Sandy Batt says the Trump Cult have gone, in medical terms, “Off the goddamn deep end of the delirium pool”, in that their explanations of insidious computer programs and photocopied ballots approaches a Margot Kidder running around naked in her neighborhood Denny’s parking lot level of insanity.

“They now have invented a whole thing around that egg-eyed lawyer woman’s ‘Kraken’ remark that it refers to a tippy top secret Department of Defense ‘Tron’ system to hunt down ‘Illegal votes’.  Basically, a Robo Q.

They also believe Trump issued an executive order two years ago that will somehow help him win even though the one they point to has to do with foreign policy.  Just when you think Trump’s supporters couldn’t get dumber, they fly off on their microwave unicorns to the Wal-Mart Stupid Department and pull out their American Express Dickwit cards.”

Ammon Bundy gets cash back rewards for every dildo.

For teabaggers who have been worrying constantly about having their guns taken away for nearly half a century now after exactly zero have been snatched, the fictional memo should inflame even the squishiest of goiters.

We at ALLOD are genuinely shocked that these simpering human nutmuffins haven’t blamed chemtrails or John McCain’s service for Covid yet.

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