There are a lot of interesting tales and reports coming in from the corner of freshman congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene’s office. From her apparent embrace of rabidly idiotic conspiracy theories like the “Q” nonsense to her description of a “Jewish space laser” causing California’s wildfires and onward into “false flag” lunacy explaining mass shootings, the incredulous legislator has definitely carved herself a niche.
Described by Republican party leader Mitch McConnell as “loony”, Greene has tried to write off her, shall we say, peculiarities, with shrugs and mirrored excuses ala her political mentor Donald Trump, which so far has served to cement her as Laughing Stock Individual #2.
So is Greene a complete conservative nutjob sailing in on a wave of Trump-supporter breakage from reality, or just a money-grubbing mentally deficient know-nothing? Joe Barron of the Queefsburgh Institute for Teabagging Insanity says she’s the real deal.
“There’s almost nothing this fruit loop doesn’t believe in. Aliens, the ‘Deep State’, Q-anon, flat earth, vaccine 5g microchips, whatever. Back in 2013, Marjorie told her family that she had been ‘possessed by demons’, which caused her to run naked through an area Waffle House screaming about Phil Collins using shitty music to melt our brains into gay virus juice. She had a full-on exorcism in her house.”
Backing up the claim is local priest Father Shlomo Megeggi, who performed the ceremony.
“Mrs. Greene claimed to have been infested with a demonic entity named ‘Skip.’ She thrashed around and said terrible things and I squirted her with holy water. What it turned out is that she had eaten a handful of psychedelic mushrooms and was hallucinating an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But, you know, God sometimes works mysteriously.”
It seems that Marjorie Taylor Greene is planning to take the United States Congress by storm. Let’s hope Jesus will teleport us down some laser shielding before the underground unicorn army eats all of our babies.