Pelosi Wants Biden Inauguration Moved To Jan 1st

UH OH!

It’s been quite an election this year.  Even though Joe Biden has declared victory across the country and several frivolous lawsuits bearing absolutely no evidence for “voter fraud” by the Trump administration have amounted to nothing but embarrassment, there still remains doubt among the ousted President’s less-than-all-there base about who the real winner is.

Certainly not Donald Jr. who has been forced to resort to cutting his cocaine with crushed up Halloween Smarties.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi believes the best way to address the invented controversy is to simply push up the date of Biden’s inauguration by activating a little-known constitutional clause known as : “The Bitchslap”, which would move the new President’s first day to January 1st.  She has assured White House staff that their possessions and personal belongings will be boxed up and left in good condition by the dumpsters at the rear of the building for easy retrieval.

Congressional Chimp-tossing expert Joe Biden explained why the somewhat extreme measure has been suggested by the no-nonsense Speaker.

“To absolutely nobody’s surprise, Trump’s idiotic shitocean of droolers and pretend-legal-experts think there should be recounts and do-overs and possibly magic Harry Potter spell intervention to overturn the will of the normal, intelligent Americans who have decisively spoken.  They’re blabbering about watermarks and laughable lunacy they see on Facebook about more registered voters than residents, which would have shown up before the election anyway.  At this point, the failed President’s schizo crowd is more desperate than Barron Trump trying to get a legal emancipation hearing.  Nothing is going to the Supreme Court, no fraud happened, and it would just be best for Biden to go in early.  We need to fumigate, for one thing.”

Experts say “Toupee crabs” have fully infested the bulk of the furniture in the Oval Office.

Biden himself has already given his acceptance speech and he and new First Lady Jill Biden have already chosen their inauguration outfits.  As an ill-thought-out protest, many Republicans intend to be dressed as orange-tinted “Baby Huey”s.

Is Pelosi just trying to help heal the American political divide by ripping the band-aid off the pussy-like ass-burns of Trump and his flea circus of douchebags?  That might be the best thing for us all.

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