Dominion CEO Refuses Newsmax Interview

OFFENSIVE!

One of the central figures in the current controversy regarding the leadership of America is Dominion voting systems.  Accusations have flown that it’s algorithms are compromised, despite assurance from company-wide officials and private observers that absolutely no problems whatsoever can be found.

CEO Joe Barron says the tabulation system has proven one hundred percent effective in all trials and has been rigorously tested before, during, and after the 2020 election.  Why then, some people are asking, has he refused to be interviewed by leading pretend-news network Newsmax?

“Newsmax is an assemblage of the absolute dumbest and most perverted pundits that have been fired from Fox News and other hack organizations for a reason,” Barron contends.  “They’re laughable and full of conspiracy riddled dipshits who blabber nonsense to the low-IQ gullible morons who can’t get over that their candidate lost due to incompetence and sheer stupidity.  I’d rather appear on a Muppet newscast.  That would have more credibility.  And I’d be sexually molested less.”

Roger Ailes’s corpse has actually been accused of fondling fungus shaped like Ainsley Airheart’s ass.

Current trumptard conspiracy theories contend that Dominion software changed votes in key states in an overwhelming plot, somehow including Hillary Clinton if you can believe that, to throw an election that, nonetheless, was alarmingly close.  The evil programs also allowed Republicans to win their Senate races to, I guess, throw off suspicion or some shit.

Many other delusional trumpcucks are counting on the “12th amendment” to somehow overturn the decision of America’s normal people.  The amendment simply details how the winner of an election is determined, which has been properly followed and has nothing whatsoever to do with imagined “voter fraud” or morbidly obese con men in general.

“What if we look in the folder labelled ‘Solitaire’? What’s in that? VOTES? Ah? AH?”

Dominion has categorically denied any supposed “bias” towards either candidate, whereas Newsmax has continuously pushed the dumbest possible excuses for Trump’s obvious loss.  CEO Barron mentioned that he isn’t planning on wasting the time and breath on a romper room news channel, and intends to focus on his company’s newest division, Cyberdine.

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