Hillary Clinton Cancer Diagnosis: ‘I May Only Have Days Left’

The truth is right in front of you

Hillary Clinton’s recent physical did not go well for her. The world saw her frailty on display during the 2016 Presidential Campaign before she got her ass handed to her by the best President we’ve ever had. We sure dodged a bullet there.

Recently unsealed medical records show that the former First Lady was initially diagnosed with lip cancer in the mid-1990s. The Clintons were extremely guarded about her condition, so as to not show any vulnerability to America’s adversaries.

Unfortunately, the pressure was too much to bear for President Clinton, who wound up getting impeached because of the way that he lied to Congress about how he compensated for his wife’s cancer.

Dr. Sandy Batt of the Tubolls Medical Center explained the cancer:

“Lip cancer is very common and usually fairly easy to treat. Thoughts and prayers are the most common type of treatment for the type of cancer that she had. Of course, no one likes her so the only thoughts and prayers for her were of a slow and painful death.

Looks like they got their wish, though it’s pretty unprecedented that it takes 25 years to happen…haha I said unprecedented, which is funny because she never became President!”

Millions of Clinton haters everywhere are relieved since they will no longer have to watch their backs out of fear of getting murdered by suicide. The funeral is expected to be attended by no one, however, a large celebration is scheduled pretty much everywhere with lots of singing and rejoicing.

Ding dong. The witch is (about to be) dead.

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