Now that brand-new Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett has proven that she’s a traitor by refusing to hand the 2020 Presidential election to Donald Trump, reporters have started to dig much deeper into her past. and the identity of her college roommate has been revealed: Michelle Obama.
It’s all starting to make sense! All it requires is for open-minded readers to ignore the fact that Obama attended Princeton from 1981 to 1985 and Harvard Law from 1985 to 1988, and Barrett went to Rhodes College from 1990-1994 and Notre Dame Law School 1994-1997.
YouTube scholars will prove beyond a doubt, though, that this is all a bunch of lies and that their supposed six-year age difference is fake.
It’s clear now that Michelle Obama and Amy Coney Barrett cooked up a wild-eyed scheme one night when they were drunk on White Russians and having a topless pillow fight.
(The pillow fight was documented by campus voyeur Joseph LaForm, who will share the video of the pillow fight with the authorities as soon as he’s, um, finished.)
An extremely religious and uptight young woman, Barrett was enthralled with Obama’s confidence and her willingness to kiss a boy on the 15th date.
Talk about sexual freedom! Michelle poured Amy a drink one night and encouraged her to loosen the hell up.
One White Russian turned into five, the pillow fight started, LaForm documented it through the peephole he had drilled in their bedroom wall, and the rest is history.
He also captured their conversation about politics, overhearing Michelle’s crazy plan:
“Wouldn’t it be crazy if in 2020, the Supreme Court has been pushed far to the right by a crackpot president whose party stole one seat from the previous president, then he appoints an alcoholic sex abuser to the next open seat, then a liberal justice dies and the crazy president appoints, oh, I don’t know — YOU — to completely tilt the balance of the court for a generation?
But you’ll only be pretending to be a complete nutjob conservative, and you’ll really be a liberal puppet?”
And there you have it. Now we know why Barrett refused to overturn the will of the voters in half a dozen states. It’s all Michelle Obama’s fault.