Biden Presses Kavanaugh to Resign


President Joe Biden is continuing his purge during his first hundred days in office of former disgraced President Trump’s staff and appointments, and he’s taking it all the way to the highest court in the land.

“I’ll take the case. Pay up front please, Grabbyhands.”

Controversial Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh has found himself next in line for the focus of the President’s ire, as Biden publicly suggested during a speech for the Sandy Batt Liberal Millionaire Society yesterday that the accused date rapist: “step down and resign before an investigation begins to do it for you.”

The veiled threat sent shockwaves through former Trump administration officials.  It’s well-known that the term “date rapist”, as well as a bent towards toxic misogyny runs rampant through the upper echelons of the GOP and Trump’s personal friends, many who fear they may be next.

Trump’s personal fluffer and life-partner Senator Lindsey Graham was nearly apoplectic upon hearing the news and responded from a hair salon while having his pubic hair waxed.

“Y’all need to stop hating on this poor poor man Brett!  Mah stars, it’s givin’ me the vapahs how much he’s been through for being a normal American college frat boy, just a sowin’ his oats!  Believe me, it takes a lot to sometimes get s woman in the mood.  Mah wife is a good example, because I mahself haven’t managed to get more than a whistle out of her skirts since the 1950’s!  Oh mah Lord that Jason Momoa is a handsome boy.  Did ah say that out loud?”

Mrs. Graham would not comment for this article.

Biden’s statement may be referring to Clause 52 of the United States constitution, a small pamphlet added in the 1980’s detailing measures the President can take to investigate Justices accused of high crimes and remove them.  The addition was made by President Reagan after he was advised by “aliens from Rygar” during a milk bath.

Is Brett Kavanaugh a victim who’s been through quite enough already just for a simple job? It’s unclear.  Maybe a good boofing is just what he needs.

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